I was blessed to get to send my husband and my oldest son off on a ministry work trip.
It was a precious time as I had just got back from being away doing personal, ministry and business. Mine started as a 4 day trip and ended as an 18 day trip. You can read about it in a previous posts. This one is one week for my son and unknown for my husband. (Be strong my heart!)
I gave my earthly, heart throb husband of mine notice that I might experience occasional “sensitive” moments while he was gone. I explained that we hadn’t gotten time together in the few hours we’ve had together to connect as my heart desired. So notice given for any tears and emotions from any and every aspect that may be experienced without any other given notice.
With my husband’s contract that he was on, (Yes, I said ‘was’ as his contract ended and he took a lay off Friday.) he gets up at 3:30ish am and after 27 years I am well trained and experienced to not interfere with his morning routine. Everyone is happier that way. When he gets home from work he has approximately 2-1/2 hours to eat, prepare his stuff for the next day and whatever else needs done that he can fit in before going to rest and renew for the next day. So time with him is little and precious but generally filled with life demands.
Not knowing I was going to be gone for an extended time, we had commitments we had made that took up the brief evening time and alas no time for solely us to connect, catch up & share experiences and insights.
So I found my self excited.
Excited that they were going.
Excited with all they are going to do.
Excited they were going to have time together and make memories.
Excited with all I was going to be able to focus on with them gone.
But also yearning for more.
Yearning for more because we had not planned our time and energy as well as we could have.
Yearning because we felt need to reach out and do for others to support them over taking the time for us.
Yearning because I love and cherish the time with my husband who really is my earthly heart throb who even after 27 years takes my breath away when I see him in a distance. (It was a great feeling when I was waiting at the airport for him to pick me up with excitement and anticipation like a school girl with a crush.)
And I am flooded with emotions as insight flows.
We are created in God’s image.
We experience His emotions in a minute amount based on our personal relationship with him. The closer we are, the more we know and share with Him.
My yearning for time with my husband due to “to busy” or “responsibilities” is a direct reflection of how God feels about me/us and the time, energy and attention we give Him.
He created us for His pleasure.
He created us and crafted a perfect Garden of Eden for our pleasure and desires to spend time with us in … and we get distracted by the serpent and end up missing out on the goodness and glory we had by chasing after something of lesser value and pleasure.
With the spoken against our family diagnosis giving only 2-3 months to live came an accountability check of where we were, what we had done, what we hadn’t and what was important. It came up more in the lacking side than on the well done side.
Which makes me even more sensitive that we still have development needs to balance our life and make sure all important things are covered and not missed by good deeds or others expectations that generally serve a fleeting moment.
Even with the reality and accountability check of life being short (praising the 2-3 months is now counting 23 months!) … I find myself still coming up grossly lacking in investing my time and energy into what is important to me, my relationship with God, my family. Into what I am called and Biblically promised I can and am to do. And my heart is heavy.
So again, I renew my focus on knowing my YES is a YES and all else is a NO until I know differently.
I must seek His wisdom and guidance from a very open and sensitive position by seeking revelation of why I am doing what I am doing and is it aligned with what I am suppose to be doing or am I:
-jumping hoops to please others over God?
-doing busy work to avoid hard or scary stuff?
-lost in my identity and wondering aimlessly doing other people’s good deeds?
-unfocused and not listening to and following my Divine GPS (God Positioning System) which is 100% accurate in arriving at my destination?
I’m very creative and good so the list goes on and on even as I shorten it daily in my quest to better my life and relationship with God, family and friends.
My heart desire is to live this life I’ve been blessed with well which involves loving God and my family and serving them well. Which means I have to intimately know God and embrace my identity as He says I am.
Time for me to stand in my authority.
Time to be confident and bold.
So Action time for you!
Are you living your best life to have little to no regrets whenever your final breath comes?
Are you a pinball being bounced around and shot in different directions depending on what bumpers or obstacles or people you encounter in your life?
What’s one action step you are going to take today to reclaim your time and energy that is being used other than where it can best be used?
I want to celebrate and encourage you.
I am passionate about standing the gap from where you are to where you can and want to be.